To be a Savage (F**k the eggshells)

It genuinely annoys me when I come across a man who, in his mannerisms and the way he holds himself, is meek, overly-polite and timid.

It pisses me off when I see someone, perhaps unwittingly, giving off such an aura of weakness and passivity.

We all know someone who fits this description. We see these types of people everyday. The polite nod and fake smile, soft-spoken voice, nervous laugh, inability to hold eye contact, a posture that folds in on itself and an aversion towards taking up space.

Encountering this sort of person annoys me so much because it reminds me of a past version of myself or, more accurately, a version of myself that I’m still trying to shed off.

Don’t get me wrong, politeness and respect for others is all well and good but it shouldn’t come at the cost of one’s individuality and ability to express oneself in the world. Society wouldn’t be able to function without ‘niceness’, but it also wouldn’t be able to function, or have any real value, without raw individuality and will.

As someone who has been this sort of a ‘nice guy’, putting other people’s needs, desires and opinions ahead of my own, I am somewhat sickened when I see the same qualities in other people. The older they are, the worse it is.

Why?

Because I know that these come as a result of a desperate need to be liked, an inability to express their own needs and profound unhappiness. I know that it comes at the cost of one’s own self-respect.

We all have a side of ourselves that is selfish, vulgar, individualistic and crude. For the sake of sociability, we either suppress it or find outlets for it which are healthy, not harmful to others and, at times, constructive.

It is the animal within us that, left unchecked, resorts to destructive violent and sexual impulses and a lust for power that is detrimental to all. That’s not what I’m advocating for.

What I’m advocating for is for a balance to be struck between one’s politeness and one’s self-assertiveness.

Some people will read this and think “Well, I can’t relate to this. I’m perfectly secure and balanced in my approach to life and general conduct”.

Good for them.

I’m talking to the people who, like me, suffered with insecurities relating to how other people might perceive me and whether or not they can be loved, just as they are.

The truth is that meekness and politeness are just alternative ways of trying to get what one wants.

One thinks that “If I act nice, I’ll be liked. If I’m liked, I can get the love and acceptance that I crave”. That’s a massively flawed way of thinking. It’s no better than “I’ll take what I want regardless of other people’s feelings”. In fact, it might be worse. It’s duplicitous and it doesn’t serve anyone.

The key is to become aware of what you want and to ask for it. Directly, honestly and decisively. You want it but you don’t need it. Trust that, if you don’t get it, you’ll be just fine.

Don’t care about offending others. Not too much anyway.

Don’t walk around people like you’re stepping on eggshells. Don’t tippy-toe around the bush. Fuck the eggshells! And fuck the bush too! Lay claim to your righteous place on this planet and make it be heard.

Know what you like. Know what you think. Know what you feel.

Own that shit.

By all means, be open to other people’s opinions but you need to be decisive in life or live a life of quiet desperation.

Take control or get carried away by the tides of other people.